The Ignite Speech: The Day that made me Cry

    Before our victory in the Speech Choir Competition, there is another story of my failure aside from not being chosen as the public speaker. This entry will reveal to you why I feel more disappointed than being glad we won as champion.

   "I don't want to watch it"........."I don't want to watch it"......."I don't want to remember it"......."I don't want to remember it" I said to myself. Dec 8, 2015 is our first day of ignite speech presentation. I volunteered to go first. I was nervous because, you need to speak for exactly 15 seconds per slide and you need to catch up with the timing if ever you screw up.

    As I started, I'm already screwing up. I looked back because I want to remember all the exact words plus the emotions I need to show in order to give impact. I really want to be the ignite speaker, because I can imagine myself inspiring people at the end of my speech. In addition, I already prepared my attire for such event, a black long-sleeve shirt, right hand protector with a glove, black slacks with a belt, and a black boots. I just keep going until I forgot some sentences, so I need to create another one that's related to my point for that specific slide. I slauthered again, I got everything messed up that's why my head turned to the slideshow to check my cues. "I want to finish this, I'm embarrassing myself."

   I looked at Sir Nomer as I speak, addressing to him that I'm willing to do this thing even if I'm not that prepared. Speaking of that, I have a lot of reasons why I'm not able to prepare for such things. First, our marketing and advertising project that makes us suffer wondering how to please the audiences with our tourist spot. Second, my presentation for Word Literature, I need to create the PowerPoint, the written report, and prepare for my oral report, how can I supposed to prepare for the ignite speech if my weekends are consumed by NATSER and other WORKS? Third, Finals, Finals, Finals.........wait there's more the competitions and I mostly left school at 5pm because of Practice, Practice, and Practice.

   I can now imagine myself when I'm already a graduating student, eye bugs, pale skin, and probably diagnosed with brain cancer. Everything is sinking already even if it's only my first term in college; I hope the next term is not stressful because I need to have a smooth flow of things.

   I stopped entertaining my other thoughts and just continue until there's a part where I can now burst everything. Before the discussion about the ignite speech, I can already imagine myself together with my chosen topic. I tried hard enough in order to please people with my presentation, I strictly studied my topic, get inspiration from anywhere, get the models, thinked about the concept for my story, and choose the best design as possible. In fact, my ignite speech is one of the first thing I created during the APEC week after reading that story that I both love and hate.

   Despite everything, a failure is a failure. After two days, it was announced who are the choices as the ignite speaker....it was between Charella and and Jillian. I failed to make it as the ignite speaker or even as an option ........it is fine if I'm not chosen but not being recognized to have the potential breaks my heart harder.......my eyes are heating.....it's very hot.....it now produces the waters that fall down to my slack and wetting my hands....I tried to be strong, but it's so painful.......I tried....I tried....I'm sorry ......I'm sorry....I wasn't prepared, I just volunteered to test myself....the thoughts are coming inside my mind, "I'm not the chosen one."

   I hope there's still a chance. I hope there's still a chance. I tried to beg the fate to change mine, because this is my only chance to save my scholarship and my dream to go back to America.

   The day before the ignite speech class presentation, I talked to Sir Nomer, trying to make him pull up my grade in order to save my scholarship but then he told me to do good with my ignite speech; that added to the sadness that I'm feeling because of the fact that I didn't do well. Sadly, again I didn't make it, but at least I got 93 for my presentation; that felt like a relief despite of not being chosen besides it's my fault for not preparing for the competition wait it's their fault.

   That day really made me sad, I was losing hope and instead fear swallows me alive. I was frustrated and I'm wondering who I should blame for such a catastrophe.

   I should blame the people who slowed me down and got my free days occupied..........but right now it doesn't matter because we won the Speech Choir Competition, anyways I'm glad that every suffering is paid for this victory..........although I feel something strange that makes me think again........does winning the Speech Choir Competition will make me happy? I don't know because something really bothers me and makes me think that winning the Speech Choir Competition is nothing but just a nullified event.

Speech Choir Competition: The Fantasized Moment

   Another day means another nightmare for me, because I knew I'll screw up again; just like what happened yesterday. Regardless of the circumstances, I just prepare the things that I need for another deadly day. I need to get to school early because I have to print some works for World Literature. I took my bath as fast as possible that I imagine myself running like a cheetah.

   I hope Miss Ceres haven't entered the room yet because it's already 8:40 on the clock. Quickly, I sprint up and down until I finished printing the output to be submitted to Miss Ceres. Fortunately, I made it just in time. I rapidly put my costumes on, a red skinny pants, a white long-sleeve polo shirt and a lighting Christmas hat, we head to the auditorium and now it's starting to occur again......

  As I was walking my way to a seat, this feeling that I always feel whenever I participate in a competition; it was going too fast, very fast, it wants to make me explode. It was my pumping heart. There's nothing new about it, so I tried to pacify the feeling by getting out from the auditorium to clear things out in order for me to stay cool and calm.

  I fixed my hair and I went in to the auditorium again. Somehow, it helped reducing the tension in me with a repeated times of using the restroom. The contest was started by sir Deeno as the host. We sang the National Anthem and started watching the contestants be killed by the reactions of the crowd due to their stammering speeches with a little diversity in their moves.

   Now it is our turn to be slauthered on stage. They showed our AVP first, the AVP is a compilation of the times we prepared for the competition; good thing Pam didn't include more scenes of my face because I look awful without a reason. We gather ourselves to our respective areas, but I feel something strange.

   We are now ready but the lights are still off, uh oh, technical difficulty. The beginning is such a failure unlike the times we practiced. There goes my part; I said to myself, "This is the time to give all that you've got". My part arrives and I bring it all out. I move with grace and energy, raising it at its fullest. "Extend here" and "Extend there", "Move over here" and "Move over there", "Speak here" and "Speak there". I do the same things until it's now over.

   We went to our seats and it was occurring again. My heart was beating fast as they announce the winners for the Speech competition; which I somehow hate after my failure to make it to the finals, Ignite speech; which I also hate because I also failed to be chosen as the ignite speaker but as I realize how hassle it was, I'm somehow thankful at least every failure feels like a relief. And now, they announced who won the 2nd runner-up, I was surprised that AC-151 got it, at first I thought they'll be like first place or champion because they did well compared to us. Second, they announced the 1st runner-up, the MA-151 well I never thought of that because I didn't watch their performance entirely thinking a lot of things. Lastly, the champion, this feeling occurred more and has gotten worst.

   I looked at Kelly who was sitting beside me, we comfort each other but I'm the one who feels worse than her. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack anytime because of my fast heart beat rate. Then the champion was.......

   I hate the announcer because they're making us excited at the same time deficiently making us wait and listen. It is Tourism Management.....

   I stand quickly raising my two hands in the air with the fingers clenched. I wasn't able to hold my happiness that time, I released all of it. It was unexplainable, it's a bad sign though that signifies I'm about to get weak again just like before. I said to myself, "I won't be that person again."

   Everything was unexpected. We head up to the stage and I barbarically jumped over to get onto the stage first, I'm so ashamed of myself because I brag like I'm the only cause of our victory. I stepped back and join the others as we form a line holding our trophy as a champion. We took photos, shake hands with the teachers and we're done...congratulations.......but that time I realized that it's our last day.....how will I going to end this day without even crying.............I guess I'm now attached to these people that I can say "I'll miss them soon"........that's why I choose to move away from everybody and observed them from one side and they are very happy with their smiles like there's still tomorrow to see each other again.

Public Speaking Competition: A moment to remember or not?

   After a nightmare last night that I couldn't even remember, I rose from bed thinking what time it is. I went to my PDA to check the time and its 7:28 in the morning. Still tired, I went to bed again but at the same time memorizing my speech for the competition later on.

  I was preoccupied so much that I didn't realize what time I left my house. Luckily, I got my mom to send me until to the gate, where I always pass from school to home and vice versa. As I was inside the car, I eventually check the time and it was 9:33 on her clock. I was surprised that's why I asked her if it's the right time and she replied yes.

   We are already at the gate, I went down and we say each other a goodbye. After I went out from the gate, I was having a thought that it was only a lie, because I always caught her doing so that's why I kinda doubt her respond. Nullifying my thoughts, I just rushed my steps to the polluted environment, where cars and smoker's smokes were combined suffocating me literally, that's why I always need to cover my mouth and nose whenever I walk there. Unfortunately, that's not the end of the everyday nightmare, well it depends what time I leave the house but it's always sunny anyway so I'm always sweaty both from school and home.

   When I'm in the school already the first thing I did was check the clock. It was already 9:40. I rushed my way to the 10th floor hoping that I could see some people. I'm still sweating that added up to the stress, I hope APC could provide air conditioner everywhere inside the campus. Then I saw a note that says "Head to the auditorium", I rushed my way to the auditorium. I rapidly looked for my fellow contestants who are participating with me in the competition. My blockmate told me to go to 7th floor Discussion Room B, but they also told me that I might be already disqualified, I was like "such a thoughtful of them", it came to my mind that they expect me to go down but I had enough thinking for today, so once again I rushed my way down. I was already sweating; my heart is pumping out because I also hope I'm not disqualified yet for being 10 minutes late.

   I entered the wrong room. I was assigned in Discussion Room A, well it's my fault for being late. I nervously went in hoping for the word "Chance" because I really want to be on stage. Luckily, they let me had my speech but unfortunately I didn't made it to the finals. In addition, I was called by the wrong name that made me feel worst.

   I looked back to the things I've done before. I asked myself, why? I only slaughtered a bit and had few grammatical errors. I think I did great but oh well, it's their lost anyway for not having me as a finalist, I could have done better if I’m one, but sad to say they like dramas, which I didn't apply to my speech because as much as possible I want to give people positive vibes. That's the thing I've observed from the judges based on the contestants they've chosen. They like "Dramas" and I hate "Dramas". Well guest what? It played well. Next time, I'll show more than a "Drama"...........Tragic.