The Ignite Speech: The Day that made me Cry

    Before our victory in the Speech Choir Competition, there is another story of my failure aside from not being chosen as the public speaker. This entry will reveal to you why I feel more disappointed than being glad we won as champion.

   "I don't want to watch it"........."I don't want to watch it"......."I don't want to remember it"......."I don't want to remember it" I said to myself. Dec 8, 2015 is our first day of ignite speech presentation. I volunteered to go first. I was nervous because, you need to speak for exactly 15 seconds per slide and you need to catch up with the timing if ever you screw up.

    As I started, I'm already screwing up. I looked back because I want to remember all the exact words plus the emotions I need to show in order to give impact. I really want to be the ignite speaker, because I can imagine myself inspiring people at the end of my speech. In addition, I already prepared my attire for such event, a black long-sleeve shirt, right hand protector with a glove, black slacks with a belt, and a black boots. I just keep going until I forgot some sentences, so I need to create another one that's related to my point for that specific slide. I slauthered again, I got everything messed up that's why my head turned to the slideshow to check my cues. "I want to finish this, I'm embarrassing myself."

   I looked at Sir Nomer as I speak, addressing to him that I'm willing to do this thing even if I'm not that prepared. Speaking of that, I have a lot of reasons why I'm not able to prepare for such things. First, our marketing and advertising project that makes us suffer wondering how to please the audiences with our tourist spot. Second, my presentation for Word Literature, I need to create the PowerPoint, the written report, and prepare for my oral report, how can I supposed to prepare for the ignite speech if my weekends are consumed by NATSER and other WORKS? Third, Finals, Finals, Finals.........wait there's more the competitions and I mostly left school at 5pm because of Practice, Practice, and Practice.

   I can now imagine myself when I'm already a graduating student, eye bugs, pale skin, and probably diagnosed with brain cancer. Everything is sinking already even if it's only my first term in college; I hope the next term is not stressful because I need to have a smooth flow of things.

   I stopped entertaining my other thoughts and just continue until there's a part where I can now burst everything. Before the discussion about the ignite speech, I can already imagine myself together with my chosen topic. I tried hard enough in order to please people with my presentation, I strictly studied my topic, get inspiration from anywhere, get the models, thinked about the concept for my story, and choose the best design as possible. In fact, my ignite speech is one of the first thing I created during the APEC week after reading that story that I both love and hate.

   Despite everything, a failure is a failure. After two days, it was announced who are the choices as the ignite speaker....it was between Charella and and Jillian. I failed to make it as the ignite speaker or even as an option ........it is fine if I'm not chosen but not being recognized to have the potential breaks my heart harder.......my eyes are heating.....it's very hot.....it now produces the waters that fall down to my slack and wetting my hands....I tried to be strong, but it's so painful.......I tried....I tried....I'm sorry ......I'm sorry....I wasn't prepared, I just volunteered to test myself....the thoughts are coming inside my mind, "I'm not the chosen one."

   I hope there's still a chance. I hope there's still a chance. I tried to beg the fate to change mine, because this is my only chance to save my scholarship and my dream to go back to America.

   The day before the ignite speech class presentation, I talked to Sir Nomer, trying to make him pull up my grade in order to save my scholarship but then he told me to do good with my ignite speech; that added to the sadness that I'm feeling because of the fact that I didn't do well. Sadly, again I didn't make it, but at least I got 93 for my presentation; that felt like a relief despite of not being chosen besides it's my fault for not preparing for the competition wait it's their fault.

   That day really made me sad, I was losing hope and instead fear swallows me alive. I was frustrated and I'm wondering who I should blame for such a catastrophe.

   I should blame the people who slowed me down and got my free days occupied..........but right now it doesn't matter because we won the Speech Choir Competition, anyways I'm glad that every suffering is paid for this victory..........although I feel something strange that makes me think again........does winning the Speech Choir Competition will make me happy? I don't know because something really bothers me and makes me think that winning the Speech Choir Competition is nothing but just a nullified event.